Thursday, June 16, 2011

Remember When Mickey's Was a Microbrew?

Remember when Mickey's Big Mouth was a microbrew? No, seriously, it was! Well, according to my dad at the time, it was. Do you also remember how HUGE the barrel and mouth looked? I'm aging myself, aren't I?

Ah yes, the big dipper.
Believe it or not, yes, Mickey's Big Mouth was considered a microbrew. I think guys and their 1982 moustaches were just mezmorized by that bumble bee on the cap. I know I was. I mean, it's a malt liquor, and the only proper way to drink it is in 40-ounce increments. Then again, if there was a 40-ounce bottle of Pliny the Elder available, I'd buy it.

My dad didn't double-fist 40s, but he did get a nice purchase around the waffled barrel-shaped bottle I was so entranced with. And he had the moustache, too. My dad was an original hipster. It was the real thing.

Technically, to be considered a microbrew, the brewing company can't bottle more than 15,000 barrels (460,000 gallons) a year. Yet, to be considered a craft brewery, it can bottle up to 6 million barrels a year. How is this possible? Does this mean Mickey's Big Mouth was not only once a microbrew but also a craft beer? Again, holy.crap. Do I have my numbers wrong? Correct me if I'm wrong, please. It's not like I went to the Library of Congress to find these numbers.

Owned and distributed by MillerCoors, it's nearly impossible to see how many bottles are distributed and sold in the U.S. I can't find the numbers anywhere, but seeing as MillerCoors' numbers went up last quarter 8.7 percent, but I can't imagine Mickey's numbers went up. Fortunately Mickey's can't be considered a "craft beer," since it's distributed by such a megafargin company. If so, I'm going to laugh my way all the way to the liqa' sto' and get me a 40.

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