Thursday, June 9, 2011

The Tilted Kilt and Mama's Little Yellow: A Review

After an hour and ten minute commute home, my friend calls me to tell me he's at the Tilted Kilt to watch "the game." What game this is, I have no idea. It could be the Superbowl for all I know. Ok, I'm not that unaware of the season, but still, I have no idea what he's talking about. I assumed it was just a random baseball game. Wrong! Apparently its game five in basketball finals. OK, so it might be packed.

And packed it was ... full of sports-lovin', three-buttons-undone-wearin', 19-yr-old stalkin', older men sans my friend, of course; he has a beard, so he doesn't count. Plus, his wife, a good friend of mine, was there, so even if he was one of "those guys." I certainly wouldn't know it. It was obvious no men, er, boys, would ever be hired here unless they had a size-C cup and hips like J-Lo. Unfortunate for them, I guess, because it was a packed house. Size C cups and basketball finals = makin' it rain.

As for the employees, because I'm as old as The Bible, I became maternal and thought, "She could be my daughter!" Is that a good thing? In this case, no. Ill admit the skimpy, plaid skirts are totally cute, but I was given flashbacks of Sister Nancy cracking the yard stick across my knuckles for trying to show my desk neighbor my new elephant-shaped eraser at Saint Anthony's in fourth grade. That's not a good memory to conjure up while trying to peruse their beer list.

As the screams of joy after a triple-double subsided, I said hi to my pals and checked out the Tilted Kilt's beer list. Ok, it wasn't toooo bad, but not good, either. In fact, so not good that I went with a Bass Ale, which the breastaurant so proudly displayed was "on tap." Where is Bass not on tap? Hey, whatever, I'm not a beer snob, just a brestaurant snob. Bass Ale is good.

So, I ordered a Bass from a green girl who could hardly blink from the amount of mascara on, and went about my convo with my friend. You know, Facebook drama (we've all had it), high school, realizing you're getting older than you want to be, etc. It was all good. My waitress brought me my Bass, and I was happy again. Except, the head was about 3 inches tall.
Just sip it, it'll be good. Ignore the fact that half the head is being inserted into your brain.
Yes, it was good, and the ale beneath it was the perfect light-orange color and faded brick. It was a good pour.
However, when I handed the waitress my cash, she became confused.
"What's this?"
"Its for the Bass."
And she walked away.
First day? Maybe. No biggy, but I didn't want this thing attached to my friends' four pizzas and 32 beers.
She came back to deliver some beers to my friends.
"How much was my Bass?"
"Oh! I don't know, let me go check!"
No prob, I thought; I totally understand a busy night. Plus, she had breasts popping out of her shirt, which was no doubt confusing her, and the dude with a hairy chest (It was obvious how much hair he had because his work shirt was buttoned down halfway down his chest, and when he leaned over across the table to check out the young girl, his hair nearly touched me. Ew.)
The youngster with the white tube top came back with some food and I asked, "So how much for my Bass?"
"Oh my gosh! Is that what you asked? Let me go see!"
Hmmm ... I see another beer in my near future.
She came back asking how everything was.
"Everything is great, so how much do I owe you?"
"What? Oh, yah."
"Never mind, ill get a Mama's Little Yellow please."

Has anyone out there heard of this brew? Me neither. My friend and I quickly hit up Beer Advocate to get a rating, but they apparently hadn't heard of it either, or I just punched in the name incorrectly. That's most likely the case. Well, I'm here to say that if this pilsner is on your beer list, it's worth getting.

The head was pretty small, maybe 3/4 inch or so, and the color was about the color of iced tea that had sat out in the sun for maybe three hours instead of the recommended eight. I took a sip and immediately tasted citrus flavors at the back end. My friend tasted it and also sensed a bit of orange in there. The carbonation was good not too fizzy, not too flat, and the body was, well, thick. That's the only way I can describe it nice and dense.

All in all, from 1 to 10, I'd give The Tilted Kilt a three and Momma's Little Yellow a six or seven. Not bad for a day that I thought would end with an hour and 10 minute drive and a shower!

No comments:

Post a Comment